Description
The screenwriter and producer behind Stephen King’s It shares a hilarious, tongue-in-cheek survival guide that celebrates iconic horror movies both past and present!
THE PERFECT GIFT FOR HORROR MOVIE LOVERS: Features spooky illustrations, a list of 100 must-see horror films, and an introduction by Nightmare on Elm Street’s Wes Craven.
Are you reading this in a cornfield, at a summer camp, or in an abandoned mental institution? Have you noticed that everything is poorly lit, or that music surges every time you open a door? If the answer is yes, you’re probably trapped in a horror movie. But don’t freak out—just read this book! With it you will learn how to overcome every obstacle found in scary films, including:
• How to determine what type of horror film you’re trapped in
• The five types of slashers and how to defeat them
• How to handle killer dolls, murderous automobiles, and other haunted objects
• How to deal with alien invasions, zombie apocalypses, and other global threats
• What to do if you did something last summer, if your corn has children in it, or if you suspect you’re already dead
So don't be afraid: no vampire, zombie horde, cannibal hillbilly, Japanese vengeance ghost, or other horror movie monster can hurt you—as long as you have this book.
Table of Contents
FOREWORD: AN APOLOGY FROM WES CRAVEN
CHAPTER I: WELCOME TO THE TERRORVERSE
How Do I Know If I’m in a Horror Movie?
How Do I Know What Type of Horror Movie I’m In?
C.R.A.V.E.N. (Cover, Recon, Arsenal, Vehicle, Escape, North)
The Seven Deadly Horror Movie Sins
How to Survive a Horror Movie High School
CHAPTER II: SLASHER SURVIVAL SCHOOL
The Slaughterhouse Five: Five Types of Slashers and How to Defeat Them
How to Survive Summer Vacation
How to Survive a Night of Babysitting
How to Stay Awake for a Week
CHAPTER III: INANIMATE EVIL
How to Survive a Haunted House
What to Do When an Evil Vehicle Wants You Dead
How to Defeat a Killer Doll
How to Tell If an Object Is Evil
CHAPTER IV: CRYPT-OGRAPHY
How to Survive a Cemetery
The Good, the Bad, and the Deadly: Know Your Ghosts
How to Kill the Living Dead
How to Kill a Vampire
How to Tell If You’ve Been Dead Since the Beginning of the Movie
CHAPTER V: MONSTER MASH
How to Survive a Global Alien Attack
What to Do If It Follows You
How to Survive a Space-Based Horror Movie
CHAPTER 666: THE SATANIC “VERSUS”
What to Do If Your Corn Has Children in It
Four Ways to Handle a Witch How to Perform an Exorcism
What to Do If You Have Only Seven Days to Live
How to Defeat Satan
