Table of Contents
About The Authors ix
Why We Wrote This Book xvii
Allison's Story xxv
1 Am I Experiencing Abuse? 1 (10)
Am I an "Abused Woman"?
What's Wrong in My Relationship?
Why Was I Attracted to Him?
How Did I Get Here?
What Can I Do?
2 What Is the Cycle of Abuse? 11 (16)
Is There a Pattern?
When Is a Honeymoon Not a Honeymoon?
Who Is in Control of the Cycle?
Is the Cycle the Same for Everyone?
3 How Do I Experience the Cycle of Abuse? 27 (13)
Why Do I Feel So Confused?
Why Does the Honeymoon Phase Make Me Feel
Why Do I Feel Like I'm Walking on
Why Is the Explosion So Awful?
What Is My Experience of the Cycle?
4 What Are the Different Types of Abuse? 40 (19)
How Do I Experience Abuse?
What Is the Power and Control Wheel?
What Are the Types of Abuse?
What Is His Motive?
How Can I Make a Power and Control Wheel
How Might I Feel After Completing My
Power and Control Wheel?
5 What's the Abuse Doing to Me? 59 (14)
How Serious Is the Abuse?
What Is the Impact of the Abuse?
Am I Being Brainwashed?
Will I Always Feel This Bad?
6 Am I Responsible for the Abuse? 73 (13)
Am I to Blame?
Is There Another Way to Look at My
So Who Is Responsible?
7 Why Is My Partner Abusive? 86 (20)
Why Is My Partner Like This?
What Belief System Is Held by Abusive Men?
Why Doesn't He Treat Me with Respect?
Is It Possible for Abusive Men to Change?
What Can I Expect of My Partner?
8 What's This Doing to My Kids? 106 (18)
How Is My Partner's Abuse Impacting My
How Has My Partner's Abuse Impacted My
Ability to Mother?
Why Do My Children "Side" with Their
How Can I Talk to My Children About This?
Will My Children Grow Up to Abuse or Be
How Do I Get Support as a Mother?
Staying or Leaving? What's Best for My
9 Am I Getting the Support I Need? 124 (18)
How Do I Know If I'm Getting the Right
What Are the Barriers to My Getting
Why Is It So Hard to Get Good Support?
How Do I Find Good Support?
How Can I Plan Ahead?
10 Should I Leave My Partner? 142 (13)
Staying or Leaving?
Why Is It So Hard Even to Think About
Should I Stay While My Partner Is in
Why Is My Partner Still Abusive Even
Though I Left Him?
Will Leaving Affect My Children's
Relationship with Their Father?
Am I Ready to Be a Single Parent?
What If I Don't Want My Children to See
11 How Do I Heal from the Abuse? 155 (20)
Why Does This Hurt So Much?
Is Grieving Part of the Healing Process?
Why Is It Hard to Grieve?
I Haven't Left My Partner, So Why Do I
Feel like I'm Grieving?
Why Do I Have Such Mixed Emotions About
the End of My Relationship?
Why Am I So Angry?
Is There Something Wrong with Me?
Why Does the End of a "Bad" Relationship
Still Hurt So Much?
Is It Always Going to Be This Painful?
Can I Look Forward with Hope?
Afterword 175 (2)
The Authors 177