Description
An inclusive and affirming exploration of safe, satisfying sex
There’s more to sex than what you learned in health class. With a focus off merely functional, “birds and the bees” details, Sexual Pleasure For Dummies dives deep into fun and energetic ideas you can utilize to safely pursue your personal desires and find sexual fulfillment.
With info beyond cliché and common gendered stereotypes, this book details all kinds of adult, consensual sexual activity for any- and every-one: from the interplay between sex and intimacy in long-term relationships to the mechanics of orgasm and the power of fantasies and kinks.
Inside:
- Understand how cultural stumbling blocks, such as religious shame impact sexual fulfillment, desire, and pleasure and tips on how to overcome them
- Explore fun exercises, toys, and tricks to use for solo and partnered experiences
- Discover communication strategies to help you (and your partner) get what you want
A rewarding and exciting journey designed to enrich and improve your own sex life, Sexual Pleasure For Dummies is a friendly and approachable guide to finding enjoyment in the bedroom.
Table of Contents
Introduction 1
About This Book 1
Foolish Assumptions 2
Icons Used in This Book 3
Beyond the Book 3
Where to Go from Here 3
Part 1: Getting Started with Sexual Pleasure: What They Didn’t Teach You In School 5
Chapter 1: Discovering Sexual Pleasure 7
Discovering Why Sexual Pleasure Matters 8
Filling in the Gaps of Sex Education 9
Uncovering Pleasure Anatomy 11
Celebrating the clitoris 11
Demystifying the G-spot 12
Befriending the frenulum 13
Praising the prostate 14
Baring other fun bits 15
Chapter 2: Understanding the Orgasm Gap 17
Minding the Gap: Fun for All 18
Causes of the orgasm gap 19
Embracing female pleasure 24
Bridging the Orgasm Gap 25
Chapter 3: Demystifying Sexual Taboos 29
Understanding Attraction and Sexual Identity 30
The Kinsey Scale 31
Attraction diversity 32
Busting the big masturbation myths 33
Getting as Kinky as You Wanna Be 34
Going beyond Fifty Shades of Grey 35
Common kinks 36
Table of Contents iii
Chapter 4: Unleashing the Power of Sex Toys 39
Adding Complements, Not Competition 40
The truth about sex toys 40
Toys for Every Body 41
For vulvas 41
For penises 47
For butts 49
Toys for Couples 54
Strap-ons 54
Remote-controlled toys 55
What the Heck Is Sex Tech?! 55
Part 2: Discovering Your Own Pleasure 57
Chapter 5: Defining Your Sexual Values 59
Discovering Why What You Value Matters 60
Unlocking Your Sexual Values 61
Cyndi 61
Kamal 62
Practicing Values-Based Sex 63
Reviewing past experiences 64
Applying sexual values moving forward 65
Chapter 6: Exploring Masturbation 69
Embracing the Greatest Love of All: Self-Love 70
Breaking Barriers to Self-Pleasure 72
Noticing shame 72
Befriending your body 73
Exploring Masturbation Techniques for Vulvas 74
Rock ’n’ Roll 74
Grinding 75
Squeezing 75
Tapping 76
Fingering 76
Shower love 76
Exploring Masturbation Techniques for Penises 77
Penis stimulation 77
Prostate stimulation 77
Chapter 7: Engaging Safely with Pornography 79
Sexual Entertainment versus Sexual Education 80
The Origins of Sexual Entertainment 81
Choosing from Erotica to Hardcore 83
Written word 83
Audio 83
Visual 84
Immersive 84
Yes, There’s Such a Thing as Ethical Porn! 85
Chapter 8: Decoding Your Wildest Fantasies 89
Experiencing Sweet, Sweet Fantasy, Baby! 90
Why we fantasize 90
Discovering common fantasies 91
Overcoming When Fantasy Is Scary 93
Testing the Waters without Getting in Over Your Head 94
Part 3: Creating a Path to Pleasure 97
Chapter 9: Discovering Your Biggest Sex Organ: Your Brain 99
Your Brain on Sex: Uncovering Your Sexual Arousal Wiring 100
Arousal in the Body and Brain 100
Understanding Individual Differences in Arousal 102
Maximizing pleasure across different arousal styles 103
Becoming excited — and delighted! 104
Throwing out inhibitions 106
Embracing Spontaneous and Responsive Desire 107
Igniting Your Five Senses 108
Chapter 10: Revealing Your Perfect Sexual Contexts 111
Discovering When You Actually Get That Feeling 112
Embracing your sexy contexts 114
Communicating when you need a context shift 115
Feeling Sexy in an Unsexy World 117
Chapter 11: Riding the Sexual Response Cycle Wave 119
Understanding the Mechanics of Orgasmic Pleasure 120
Phase 1: Excitement 120
Phase 2: Plateau 121
Phase 3: Orgasm 121
Phase 4: Resolution 121
Critiques of Masters and Johnson’s Sexual Response Cycle 122
Making the Most of Foreplay 123
Enjoying the Ride, Not Just the Destination 124
Part 4: Overcoming Common Barriers To Sexual Pleasure 127
Chapter 12: Minimizing Painful Sex 129
Discovering Common Causes of Painful Sex 130
Types of sexual pain 131
Pelvic floor connections 131
When “tightness” works against you 132
Vaginismus and penetration pain 132
Other common sources of pain 133
Lubing Up! 133
Water-based 134
Silicone 134
Hybrid 135
Natural oils 135
Aloe-based 135
Vaginal moisturizers 136
Increasing Sensation 136
Seeking Help 138
Chapter 13: Eradicating Shame 141
Identifying Sources of Shame 142
Puberty 142
Cultural norms and religion 143
Trauma and abuse 144
How Shame Interferes with Sex 144
Naming It, Then Reclaiming It 145
Managing Sexual Shame 146
Embracing Sexual Pride 147
Chapter 14: Overcoming Overthinking 149
Taming Stress 150
Getting to know stress hormones 151
Resetting with your parasympathetic nervous system 152
Stress and Sex: Understanding the Connection 154
Understanding the stress paradox: Sex as stress relief 154
Stopping spectatoring in its tracks 155
Practicing Sexual Mindfulness 157
Savoring 157
Breathing 158
Noticing 158
Chapter 15: Navigating Sexually Transmitted Infections 161
Busting STI Myths 162
Preventing STIs and Getting Tested 164
Prevention 164
Detection 165
Testing 166
Treatment 167
Moving from Diagnosis to Disclosure 167
Part 5: Embracing Changes 171
Chapter 16: Understanding Hormones 173
Reconnecting with Your Horny Teenage Self 174
Discovering Hormone Cycles for Every Body 176
Overcoming the Postpartum Slump 177
Reversing Puberty: Menopause 179
Testing the Limits of Testosterone 179
Chapter 17: Welcoming the Spectrum of Sexual Functioning 181
Encountering Dryness and Limpness and Low Desire, Oh My! 182
Understanding Common Causes of Sexual Function Changes 183
Discovering medications that impact sexual functioning 185
Noticing the early signs 186
Rediscovering Pleasure 187
Chapter 18: Creating Space for Sex to Evolve 189
Conquering Sexual Communication 190
Normalizing talking about sex 190
Practicing sexual small talk 193
Communicating through the good and the bad 194
Speaking Your Ideal Sex Life into Existence 195
Going beyond “Did You Cum”: Sexual Check-Ins That Work 196
Embracing feedback 196
Creating sexual check-ins 197
Chapter 19: Adding Sexual Aids and Enhancements 199
Welcoming Necessity, the Mother of Invention 200
Changing with inevitable bodily changes 201
Unlocking sexual pleasure at any age 203
Becoming a Props Pro 204
Making sex more comfortable 205
Part 6: the Part of Tens 207
Chapter 20: Ten Sexual Pleasure Myths 209
Orgasm Is Always the Goal of Sex 209
Men Are Just More Sexual Than Women 210
If You Don’t Experience Spontaneous Desire, Then You’re Broken 210
Women Need to Learn How to Orgasm from Penetration 211
Masturbation Should Only Be Used as a Last Resort 211
Pornography of Any Kind Is Addictive 212
Something Is Wrong with You If You Like Kinky Sex 212
Sex Toys Are for People Who Don’t Know How to Please Themself or Their Partners 212
The Older You Get, the Worse Your Sex Life Becomes 213
Sex Is Something You Shouldn’t Have to Talk to Your Partner About 213
Chapter 21: Ten Tips for Increasing Sexual Pleasure 215
Lead with Your Sexual Values 215
Focus on Arousal, Not Orgasm 216
Embrace Each Partner’s Different Needs 216
Use Masturbation and Porn to Expand Your Erotic World 216
Stay Open to Sex Toys as Pleasure Enhancements 217
Don’t Avoid Hard Conversations Like STI Disclosures or Explaining Your Needs 217
Know That Good Sex Isn’t Just for the Young and That Sex Can Get Better with Age 218
Use Your and Your Partner’s Hormonal Cycles to Your Advantage 218
Recognize When Sexual Contexts Are Best 219
Become a Sexual Communication Pro 219
Index 221
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