Full Description
Using conversations, observations, and reflections, psychologist Kopano Ratele meditates on love, violence and masculinity
This book seeks to imagine the possibility of a more loving masculinity in a society where structural violence, failures of government and economic inequality underpin much of the violent behavior that men display. Enriched with personal reflections on his own experiences as a partner, father, psychologist and researcher in the field of men and masculinities, Why Men Hurt Women and Other Reflections on Love, Violence and Masculinity is Kopano Ratele's meditation on love and violence, and the way these forces shape the emotional lives of boys and men.
At the core of these critical and deeply insightful texts is the question of why men hurt women they love. Ratele contends that many men in our society suffer from a painful, unrecognized, yet consequential love hunger that sets in during boyhood. This need for love may lie at the root of some of the male violence that damages the lives of women, children and men themselves.
Blending academic analysis and rigor in a readable narrative style, Ratele illuminates the complex nuances of gender, intimacy and power in the context of the human need for love and care. While unsparing in his analysis of men's inner lives, Ratele lays out a path for addressing the hunger for love in boys and men. He argues that just as the beliefs and practices relating to gender, sexuality and the nature of love are constantly being challenged and revised, so our ideas about masculinity, and men's and boys' capacity to show genuine loving care for each other and for women, can evolve.
Contents
Foreword by Raewyn Connell
Part 1: Love
1 Why do women love men?
2 One ear turned inward and the other outward
3 Love needs
4 We can change how we love, but not without changing how we fight
5 Love hunger shows itself in many acts, and violence may be one of them
6 Why there is no love in the Plan
7 I love you, but I wish to hurt you
8 To love is to receive and to give
9 Talking matters
10 Listening carefully is an articulate act of love in action
11 Must love hurt?
12 The world is not yet ready for loving black boys
13 Producing and embodying the loving images we want of ourselves
14 If women stopped caring for men
Part 2: Violence
15 'I am more scared of them'
16 Men who speak with fists
17 Violence wears many faces
18 'Brothers, check yourselves!'
19 'I have never raped anyone' is not an achievement
20 Why is there violence where we expect to find love?
21 Really nice guys
22 'There was nothing suspicious about him'
23 They don't teach about sexual consent at university or at home
24 Jeanne and Emmanuel
25 Is the lesbian an alibi for an untenable model of masculinity?
26 Will we reduce rates of rape of women and children when we cannot face prison rape?
Part 3: Masculinity
27 Trying to transform men is not a futile exercise, but it is slow and difficult work
28 A few key ideas to consider when thinking about men and changing masculinity
29 The politician told students you can't ask for money from somebody who raped you
30 'Dad, look at me'
31 'I have never hit a woman' gets you no loving man award
32 Before death, before conception, in the many in-between moments, then repeat
33 Baldwin was a full man
34 The masculinity of a man who is a boy
35 Mr President, end patriarchy?
36 When work gets in the way of emotional connections
37 Love cannot escape power
38 What's up with all this attention given to boys?
39 The fact of lovelessness in why men hurt others
40 Inheriting and passing down a loving masculinity
Acknowledgements
Index
