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Fierce, frank, witty poetry about cancer diagnosis, treatment, remission, and end-of-life.
Written in the last three years of her life, Andrea Werblin Reid's To See Yourself As You Vanish is a collection of unsparingly brave and insightful poems about her experience with ovarian cancer. Frank, fierce, and witty, her work does not hide behind cliches, platitudes, or tropes, but addresses the hopes, frustrations, fears, and longings that would be easy to leave unspoken. She offers friendship and understanding to those who share her experiences and powerful insights for caregivers and those who work in oncology, hospice, research, and psychology. Of these poems, Reid herself said: "I have struggled with the implications of war metaphors and the perspectives they perpetuate since receiving my own cancer diagnosis. People living with cancer and other chronic illnesses are not taking up arms, they are living as long and as humanely as possible: not to win or lose, simply to live." The scenes in these poems are rich and spare, magical and sane, awful and special: "one bird comes to the end of his branch looking like a clever moustache. /one bird comes to the end of his song like an ordinary bird."
[sample poem]
THE COLOR OF WAITING
is hypnotic pink, under whose spell
you've been living for years
like a small fossilized creature.
or magenta, a bruise
that evolves, so you must
continue to adjust your secrets
waiting is rosy, a soft-spun
medical soundtrack of static
frizz, machine screech
then sharp as the serrated smiles
doctors have been honing for years.
waiting masquerades as the inflatable idea
of hope, waterproofed for safety, maybe,
devoid of vision, punctured that easily
Contents
Lifespan
Distended
Tugboat Captain
Assurance
Language is a Virus
Letter to a Torso
The Color of Waiting
A.K.A.
Wolf Month
Re-Treating
Sorry Sorry
Context
The World of the Well
Transformers
Mental
Driving While Grateful
Betray
Online Support Group
Evidence for the Role of Mindfulness in Cancer
Trying to Meditate
The Wordlessness of Fixed Time & Simple Blessings
Expectancy
Stargazer
Last Full Moon of the Year 2020
Your Stupud Ignorant Beautiful Self in the Time Before Everything
At Least for Today
The Flora, The Impossibility
Patient
Clinical Trial
Rivals
What Was That Game Called?
Plain Okay
Reckoning
You Get No Extra Points for Making It Through Your Morning
Shower Without Needing to Stop and Sit Down
Insomnia
Plan
Things Disease Has to Teach
You Say Late Like It's a Bad Thing
People Find It Difficult to Talk About Cancer
Things I Don't Know How to Talk About Anymore
Charm
Port, The Definition
Snow Day
When to Resign
You Know How This Ends
Metastasis
Spiders & Mars
Walden
Someone Else You Know Gets Cancer
The Jeopardy of Your Thinking
Appendages
Kinds of Resistance
Logical Disjunction
How to Get Unstuck
Once Upon a Ridiculous Couple of Years .
Keep Living
People Speak of the Future
Address
Hereafter
The Dazzling Odds
How to Tell the Difference Between a Raven, a Crow, and a Tired Body
Compact
When You're Done
Undertow
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