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Full Description
There's no doubt about it: every conflict in every relationship involves two people with two different perceptions, and every solution requires two partners to arrive at a single shared perception. You can't repair a damaged relationship by yourself, and you can't change your partner into someone else. Does that mean the situation is hopeless? Absolutely not!
In Reconnecting, Dr. Joseph Luciani, the celebrated author of the renowned Self-Coaching series, introduces a proven, practical method you can follow to encourage your less-than-cooperative partner to join you in a meaningful healing process, even if you have to take the first steps on your own.
Dr. Luciani begins by helping you evaluate your own level of insecurity and, using his Self-Talk technique, do something to improve it. He shows you how to use Self-Talk to become a catalyst for change in your relationship by eliminating your contribution to the problem. You'll identify your own personality patterns and use Self-Talk to let go of personal baggage, stop listening to what hurts you, and see the problem as a whole.
Next, you'll learn how to apply Catalytic Self-Coaching to your relationship. You'll find out what it means to create a relationship vacuum, and you'll start working with Self + Self = Us Portraits. You'll also discover how to risk trusting each other and to begin coaching each other away from destructive habits and toward a more truthful and loving relationship.
This eye-opening and life-changing guide offers constant support on your journey toward a more loving and rewarding relationship. You'll find plenty of prescriptive advice to help you make sense of your own personality patterns and cope with the anxiety and depression that often accompany difficult relationships. Dr. Luciani's success stories of patients who have changed their lives will help you realize that you're not alone and there is hope.
Complete with a valuable discussion of the essential principles of successful relationships and how to put them into action every day, Reconnecting is the resource you need to break free of destructive habits and create a new, more secure relationship that brings you the companionship, commitment, trust, and true love you need.
Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Part One The Self-Coaching Phase Working without Your Partner
1. Can I Really Save My Relationship? Becoming a Catalyst 3
2. Why Your Relationship Isn't the Problem 21
3. Insecurity and Control: Relationship Baggage 35
4. Self-Coaching: Eliminating Your Contribution to the Problem 51
5. Are You a Tiger, Turtle, Elephant, Raccoon, or Peacock? Learning Your Reflexive Personality Style 67
6. Assessing Your Reflexive Personality Patterns 85
7. Sketching Your Self-Portrait 93
8. Self-Talk, Step 1: Separate Facts from Fictions 103
9. Self-Talk, Step 2: Stop Listening to What Hurts You 117
10. Self-Talk, Step 3: Let Go of What Hurts You 129
11. Sketching Your Relationship Portrait: Seeing the Whole Problem 145
Part Two Catalytic Self-Coaching Working with Your Partner
12. Creating a Relationship Vacuum 161
13. Working with Self + Self = Us Portraits 173
14. Coaching Each Other: Risking Trust 185
15. Putting It All Together: Follow-Through 197
16. Love, Infatuation, and Infidelity 213
17. True Love, Great Sex: A Self-Coaching Understanding 225
18. The Ten Essential Principles of Successful Relating 241
Index 253
